Hallmark: Comfort in Predictability

It’s that time of year. The time of year when our television stations are bombarded with Hallmark movies. I know, I know… Hallmark movies play all year long and their plots coincide with whatever the relevant holiday is. And I’ll be honest, I’m not the biggest fan of Hallmark movies. But, I understand why they do as well as they do. Believe me, I understand.

I’m a storyteller – mostly in hobby, but also to some extent in trade. I understand the formula of plot and what makes a compelling story. One of the great things about compelling stories is that they don’t have to be rife with unexpected twists and turns. On the contrary. A compelling story can be predictable. This is where Hallmark excels.

We all know the formula. You have your two main characters who meet – usually in some sort of meet-cute situation. Think: reaching for the same item in a store, being forced to share the same taxi in a rainstorm, one of them tripping and falling into the arms of the other. A variant of that last one actually happened to me, but sadly, did not result in a Hallmark movie-plot love story. Anyway… They both usually have their reasons for resisting the flutter of attraction at first sight – a potential promotion at work, family obligations, recent heartbreak. Eventually, they start to give in. They go on a few dates, they spend time together, their friends think they’re a match made in Heaven – maybe they even meet each others’ folks. Then, the inevitable misunderstanding occurs. This happens for a variety of reasons. One of them is very guarded and the other can’t quite step over the threshold of the other’s broken heart. One sees the other with someone else and jumps to conclusions. One has to leave town for an emergency and forgets to tell the other… Regardless of the reasons, there’s a misunderstanding, a miscommunication. And then, when all hope seems lost, things set themselves right and our two lovebirds live happily ever after. Or, at the very least, share a meaningful kiss and are assumed to be together for at least a while afterwards.

Take this plot and plop it into any major Western holiday – Valentine’s Day, Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas – and you’ve got yourself a heartwarming Hallmark movie.

As I mentioned earlier, this plot is predictable. And Hallmark excels because of this predictability. Action-adventure stories with twists, turns, and excitement are wonderful, and even predictable in their own ways. But there is a comfort in the predictability of the Hallmark movie, a comfort in the everything is going to be okay happy ending. Knowing out of the gate that these fictional characters are going to get through their trials and misunderstandings doesn’t make the journey less enjoyable. Sometimes, it makes it more enjoyable because we know what’s coming. We know what to expect. We all need that comfort especially when we’re surrounded by the struggles and anxieties of the world around us.

“But I thought you didn’t like Hallmark movies!” I can hear you saying. You’re right; I did say that, and no, I’m not the biggest fan of them. This is because they remind me of things I want that are missing in my life. Plus, the one time I had a Hallmarkian (is that the proper term?) start to a relationship, I ended up being treated like an option rather than a priority. In truth, for me, Hallmark movies can be emotionally painful to watch. That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate or understand the importance of Hallmark and Hallmark style storytelling. Quite the opposite actually. I’m glad it exists. It feels like a warm fuzzy blanket to so many people. Some of those people are good friends of mine. I’m beyond grateful that they have that comfort. And for that reason, I’m grateful Hallmark exists.

If you don’t enjoy Hallmark movies, that’s okay. Let those who do enjoy them do so without disdain or ridicule. They bring comfort and solace, maybe even catharsis to people in a hectic, often unkind world. That’s important.

If you do enjoy them, then I hope you curl up on the couch with a blanket and a big bowl of popcorn as often as you can. Enjoy them with reckless abandon. Even if you’ve seen the same one a thousand times before, the next time it’s on TV, watch it again.

And until next time: Stay safe, stay well, and keep on keeping on.

Jen

It's Going to Be a Long Four Years... I'm Scared, But I Still Have a Voice

It’s been a couple of days since the US Presidential election results. Ordinarily, I try to stay out of politics and I keep things to myself. But not today. 

Initially, I wasn’t going to say anything. At least not on this blog. But I can’t. I can’t. I can’t stay quiet.

I am appalled by the results. Appalled and sad and angry and scared.

I am sad and angry and scared for, and on behalf of, so many of my fellow humans in the United States. For the women who are watching their access to safe healthcare be stripped away (women have already died because of the overturning of Roe vs. Wade). For my fellow 2LGBTQ+ folks who are watching their right to gender-affirming and life-saving healthcare be revoked (it starts with the Trans community, and it will eventually trickle down to affect the community as a whole). For the Black, Indigenous, and People of Colour (BIPOC) communities who have experienced, and continue to experience, oppression, and racism in so many aspects of their lives (discrimination when renting or buying a home, voter suppression, access to proper healthcare).

With the election results being what they are, the lives of so many people are going to get a lot harder. And not just in the US. I’m afraid of what the ramifications for Canada are going to be. Believe it or not, Canada has a significant population that skews right. The leader of the Conservative Party of Canada has stated that the 2023 Policy 713 in New Brunswick regarding 2LGBTQ+ students was a “provincial policy” and that “The Prime Minister has no business in decisions that should rest with provinces and parents.” Where have we heard statements to that effect before?

Policy 713 was originally enacted in 2020, and would have required school personnel to use students’ pronouns and chosen names. It was also going to require schools provide gender-neutral bathrooms, training for teachers about 2LGBTQ+ students, and support for Gender-Sexuality Alliance (also known as Gay-Straight Alliance) clubs without the need for parental consent. However, in 2023, after provincial government review, the policy was revised. This revision included policies with forbade teachers from using students’ preferred names and pronouns if they were under the age of 16 without parental consent. This revision means queer and trans youth who are not out at home could be outed, which has the potential to do a lot of harm. Being outed to a homophobic and/or transphobic family can have devastating effects regardless of that person’s age.

And I’m not going to get into the policies under Alberta’s conservative government because… ugh.

The leader of the Conservative Party of Canada while stating he supported abortion rights, supported a 2010 bill that would have criminalized pressuring a person to get an abortion as well as a motion where Parliament would study when a fetus should be considered a human. He changed his position, again, in 2020, but this kind of back-and-forth motion doesn’t give me any sense of hope or stability.

Why does all of this mean so much to me? 

While my circle of close friends may not be very ethnically diverse, I live in a neighbourhood with people who come from a variety of different parts of the world. Mexico, French-speaking Africa, the Caribbean, Arab countries, Philippines, Israel… I can take a five minute walk up the street and have a “Canadian” breakfast in the morning, a Filipino lunch, and then have Suya for dinner if I want. Walk a little bit further, and I can have a breakfast at Tim Hortons, cross the street and have shawarma for lunch, and then have some jerk chicken for dinner. I can walk down the hall of my apartment and take in the smells of one neighbour’s meat and potatoes at one end, and the smell of curried rice at the other. And you know what? I love it. I work with people from India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, people through whom I’ve learned about culture and customs. Some have combined customs. They celebrate Diwali while also taking in and observing Christmas, even if they don’t celebrate it directly. Many who celebrate Diwali will put Christmas lights out, and leave them up for the Christmas season. (I’m actually okay with this, despite my previous statement of nothing Christmas prior to November 12th. What folks do in their own homes and how they amalgamate their holidays is not for me to judge. I do judge Christmas music and movies prior to November 12th. But that’s not the point of this post.) I would rather learn about others’ customs and get to know the person than judge them based on what corner of the world they come from.

I am a woman. I have had legitimate health concerns dismissed as “Just lose some weight” or “You’re just built that way”. My health concerns were dismissed like this until about 10 or so years ago when my original GP retired. The doctor under whose care I was then put under didn’t dismiss my concerns. He believed me when I came to him with concerns regarding my knee pain – pain I’ve had since I was about 10 years old. He sent me for an MRI. Nothing concrete was found, but at least my concerns were listened to. This same doctor also listened to me when I came to him about my depression and anxiety. He referred me to a therapist, and gave me meds that, overall, did work. I no longer take those meds because their side-effects interfere with my ability to do my day job, but that’s okay. My current GP after my previous one left is just as quick to believe me. I went to him 2 years ago to ask for a blood test to see if we could pinpoint the cause of my chronic fatigue. I didn’t know if it was residual from a rough bout with Covid, or perhaps one of the hereditary ailments that are in my family. Turns out, I have diabetes. Had I have brought that up to the GP I had when I was a kid, it’s more likely I would have been told to “lose weight” and I’d have gone even longer with blood sugars that are too high. The difference is… like night and day. I have been listened to, and it’s amazing what can happen when our voices are heard and we are believed, and we are able to access the care we need.

I am queer. I spent most of my life questioning and navigating it in secret because I have heard homophobic and transphobic comments come from family members. I was afraid to discuss it, to figure myself out, because of hearing those comments, those jokes. I didn’t feel safe. I finally came out about as Bi/Pan✝ three years ago, and it’s been liberating. I’m out, and no one is putting me back in the closet. Now, there are still family members who don’t know because of their views on people like me, but am I going to hide who I am? No. I refuse to hide. If they find out, I will not deny who I am, even if it leaves me with fewer people to call (biological) family. 

I refuse to hide or deny who I am because I am safe enough that I can do that. I recognize the immense privilege I have to be able to be out. But there are so, so, SO many others who are not safe to be out. I highly doubt my family would ever harm me – physically anyway – if they knew I’m not straight, but their words and attitudes have the potential to cut me and cut deep. Bone piercingly deep. I am out, and loud about it, on behalf of those who cannot be out and loud because their lives count on their silence. I have known people whose parents disowned them simply because they’re not straight or cis-gendered.

How do we continue to fight for those who can’t fight for themselves? How do those of us in Canada try to make sure the results of the US don’t bleed north of the border? By speaking out. Remind those in your life that, if they don’t vote for themselves, vote for those who are directly affected by anti-2LGBTQ+ policies, by anti-abortion bills, by anti-immigrant laws, and those directly affected by things like homophobia, misogyny, and racism. You can also locate local businesses that are run by 2LGBTQ+ folks, women, immigrants, BIPOC. Buy their goods, eat in their restaurants, get to know them.

You can also donate to any number of organizations that provide help to marginalized communities. I am going to provide a list of several of these organizations that could use donations to ensure they can keep providing services to those who need them.

If you are reading this and are in need of crisis support and resources, the following list is also for you. It’s more for you than it is for anyone else. This list is primarily for organizations in the US and Canada. If you are reading this in a different country and you have local helplines and organizations you’d like me to include in this list, please leave them in the comments so we can help as many people as we can. (One or two organizations may be listed more than once, as they fall into more than one category.)

LGBTQIA+ ORGANIZATIONS: The 519: Located in Toronto, Canada. Front Desk: 416-392-6874 www.the519.org

The Trevor Project: For immediate assistance: 1-866-488-7386 www.thetrevorproject.org
As of this blog post, in the days post election day, TrevorText and TrevorChat were experiencing long hold times due to call volumes. Overall, they saw an increase of nearly 700%. More info on this: The Trevor Project Shares Post Election Day Crisis Contact Volume Data

Trans Lifeline: US:*
Support for transgender people by transgender people. 1-877-565-8860 www.translifeline.org

Canada:** Support for transgender people by transgender people. 1-877-330-6366 www.translifeline.org

SAGE LGBT Elder Hotline:* Peer support and local resources for older adults. 1-888-234-SAGE (7243)

LGBTQ2+ Youth Line:** Toll-Free: 1-800-268-9688 Toronto Area: 416-962-9688 Text: 647-649-4275 TTY: 416-962-0777

988 Lifeline (Canada):
988.ca
Call or text 998.
Service is available in both English and French. If you need to speak to someone in another language, this may be available via an interpreter. Let the responder know, and they will know how to help you.

*Information provided by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
www.afsp.org/lgbtq

**Information provided by Queer Events. queerevents.ca/resources/crisis-hotline-support/resources

WOMEN’S HEALTH RESOURCES:

Planned Parenthood:
www.plannedparenthood.org

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline:* www.988lifeline.org/help-yourself/maternal-mental-health
Press 1 for Veterans. Para servicio en Español, oprima 2. Servicios de texto y chat están también disponibles en Español.

CDC’s Hear Her™ Campaign:* For American Indian & Alaska Native People www.cdc.gov/hearher/aian

Maternal Mental Health Leadership Alliance:* For mothers and families, BIPOC, and LGBTQ individuals, NICU parents, dads, and non-birthing parents. www.mmhla.org/resource-hub

Mental Health America:*
Depression screening for new and expecting parents
www.mhanational.org/maternal-mental-health

National Maternal Mental Health Hotline:*
1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262)
www.mchb.hrsa.gov/national-maternal-mental-health-hotline

Postpartum Support International Hotline:* 1-800-944-4773 (4PPD) Press 2 for English. Oprima 2 para servicio en Español. www.postpartum.net/het-help

*Information provided by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
afsp.org

MENTAL HEALTH & SUICIDE PREVENTION RESOURCES:

Canada: Kids Help Phone:* 1-800-668-6868 www.kidshelpphone.ca

Mental Health & Addictions Crisis Centre:* Located in London, Ontario. Not LGBTQIA+ specific, but they are allies. 519-434-9191

988 Lifeline (Canada): www.988.ca
Call or text 998. Service is available in both English and French. If you need to speak to someone in another language, this may be available via an interpreter. Let the responder know, and they will know how to help you.

*Information provided by Queer Events. queerevents.ca/resources/crisis-hotline-support/resources

US: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:* 1-800-273-TALK (8255) Veterans: Press 1.

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline:*
www.988lifeline.org
Press 1 for Veterans. Para servicio en Español, oprima 2. Servicios de texto y chat están también disponibles en Español.

*Information provided by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
www.afsp.org/lgbtq

OTHER RESOURCES (mostly US based):

Call Blackline:*
Centers BI&POC, LGBTQ+, Black Femme Lens
800-604-5841

Wildflower Alliance Peer Support Line:*
Trained peer supporters
888-407-4515

StrongHearts Native Helpline:*
Centering on Native Americans & Alaska Natives
844-762-8483

Thrive Lifeline:*
Trans led and operated
313-662-8209

LGBT National Help Center:*
1-888-843-4564

*Information provided by Inclusive Therapists. More resources can be found at: www.inclusivetherapists.com/crisis

Alternatives to Picking Up the Phone:

Crisis Text Line:*
Talk with a trained counselor for FREE 24/7.
Text TALK to 741741

The Trevor Project:*
Phone, chat, and text support for LGBTQ+ youth.
www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help-now

*Information provided by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
www.afsp.org

For some further reading, you can also check out ACLU’s statement about what the organization will be doing going forward to protect all those the Trump administration are against. Read their statement here: https://www.aclu.org/our-47th-president-donald-trump

Remember that even though we have different coloured skin, we all have hearts, lungs, livers, bones, flesh… And we all bleed red.

If you’re still with me, thank you for reading, for listening, and for paying attention. I promise next time, the post will be on a much lighter topic.

And, until next time: Stay safe, stay well, and keep on keeping on.

Jen

✝What does Bi-Pan mean? It means that, while I have my preferences, I don’t actually care about what is or isn’t between someone’s legs. If I fall in love with someone, I fall in love with the person, not their genitalia or their gender.

November: A Month of Autumn, Storytelling, and Remembrance

It’s November.

Many of you are probably looking at me with raised eyebrows and heads cocked to the side, ready to say, “Yeah. Your point is?”

And for many folks, November is simply another month. Perhaps it’s merely the month when the vibrant autumn leaves have left many of the trees bare and Mother Nature delivers the year’s first dusting of snow. Perhaps it’s nothing more than the month during which we turn our clocks back an hour in order to conserve and save daylight. (Can you actually conserve daylight? Can you save it? Anyway…) Perhaps it’s a transitory month between the October festivities of Thanksgiving and Halloween, and the coming December festivities of Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and many other holidays. At least for those of us in Canada. For friends (and readers) in the United States, it’s the month of Thanksgiving and Black Friday sales. And much more, I’m sure. (Yes, Hallmark movie lovers, I see you over there. It’s one of your favourite months. Enjoy it!)

But for some of us, November is more than just the thirty days that separate Halloween and the Holiday season. It is the month when several million writers around the world stockpile coffee and discounted Halloween candy, create a writing playlist, and sit down at their computer feverishly writing first drafts of a novel that they hope they can eventually turn into the next best seller. And they don’t emerge from their foxholes until midnight December 1st, looking a little frazzled and just a smidgen wild around the eyes.

For another group of us, it is a month of reflection and of Remembrance. Especially for those of us in, or with family who are or have been in, the Armed Forces. It is a time of reflection.

For me, it’s a mix of all of this. November is the month when I miss the vibrant autumn colours of October, but look forward to that first magical dusting of snow. It’s the month when I (try to) feverishly write as many words as I can in one, two, maybe three different writing projects. It’s the month when I cringe slightly when Christmas music starts permeating the soundtrack at the mall (please, please, PLEASE wait until at least November 12th?). And it’s the month when I reflect on the sacrifices made by those who have served, and are currently serving, in the Armed Forces.

Throughout my 36 years of life, I have met a lot of people. Some of them became people I saw, and still see, multiple times a week; people I sang with, and still sing with; people I shared stories with. People I consider friends. A handful of these people are veterans. One or two of these people are still serving. Every single one of them has a story or two to tell, and they all carry with them the memories of comrades who never made it home. They all possess scars – physical, emotional, and mental. So do their loved ones past, present, and future.

My cousin and his wife both currently serve in the Canadian Armed Forces. This cousin served in Mosul 2017-2018. He told his grandmother (my aunt) he was there training troops. It wasn’t until he came home for his father’s funeral that we found out he’d actually been boots on the ground getting shot at. He carries those memories and scars every day.

A good, and longtime, friend of mine served in the Canadian Armed Forces Reserves from 2000-2016. He never saw combat, but served with several who went overseas and never made it back home. He carries their memories with him.

My father served in the Canadian Armed Forces Reserves with the Royal Regiment of Canada in the 1970s. (The Royal Reg. are the ones who wear the red coats and black bearskin caps.) He never saw combat, but he had habits that, looking back, I recognize as holdovers from his five years of service. The two glaringly obvious ones were his almost march-like gait and his brush-cut hairstyle. Oh, and he won what I can only describe as the most epic game of Hide And Seek ever by hiding in a pile of leaves.

My great-uncle and grandfather both served in World War II. My great-uncle contracted the measles while in England and was sent home. My grandfather served with the 48th Highlanders of Canada and saw service in Germany (and possibly Holland) in 1945. He never talked about his time overseas because he likely saw things he couldn’t talk about. Before his active service, he was part of the crew that built the Alaska Highway, which began life as a supply route during World War II.

And lastly, but most definitely not least, my great-granduncle, Harry Peers, possibly lies in a mass grave in Lens, France. I say possibly because he was hit by shell fire, and your guess is as good as mine as to whether there was anything left of him to bury. His name is engraved on the Canadian National Vimy Memorial that commemorates the Canadian Expeditionary Force personnel who died in World War I. He lied about his age in order to enlist. He served with the 29th Battalion and was part of the Pioneers, essentially Engineers. He served with the Artillery and held the rank of Bombardier. (In WWII Infantry terms, he was a Private doing a Lance Corporal’s job). He was two weeks shy of his nineteenth birthday when he was killed on August 21, 1917 during the Battle of Hill 70.

Pte. Harry Peers, pictured in a late-September article from either the Toronto Evening Telegram or the Toronto Star.

It’s for the previous five paragraphs that my soft start for anything Christmas is November 12th. Don’t get me wrong. I love Christmas. It’s my favourite time of year. But, I, and many others, need time to share stories, to wear the poppy, to reflect, to Remember.

To those who have served, regardless of how long that servitude was:

To those who are currently serving:

To the kids in Cadets:

To the spirits and memories of those who never made it home:

Thank you.

Lest We Forget.

And to my readers:

Thank you for being here. I’ll see you next time.

And until next time: Stay safe, stay well, and keep on keeping on.

Jen